I lost my mom when BJ was 3 and since then I have had huge pressure (self imposed) to make sure that I have the house done, letters and memories and scrap-books for my kids done and to be prepared just in case.
I haven't finished hardly anything and here I sit with my baby about to turn 18, his senior year and as he likes to remind me "depending on what happens after my mission, this could be my last summer at home, my last birthday at home, my last 4th of July (fill in the blank).
I am so not ready and don't have things the way I would like them and I'm out of time. We went to get his senior pictures taken.
None of my kids like their picture taken and they aren't very good at it. The last time I took them to get their pictures done was when Heber was a baby, it was such a disaster I had to drag all 5 of them out of there fighting, crying and screaming (the boys, that is).
BJ and I had a such great time together, just the 2 of us.
While BJ was getting his picture taken he would look at me each time they snapped a picture and I kept thinking that for the rest of my life when I see these pictures I am going to know that while he was looking ahead to the future he was also looking at me. It was my own personal feeling. He had his picture taken in about 6 different rooms and in a few different outfits. In between each room we would have to go back into the waiting room. While we were there we would talk about all sort of different things and how bored he was.
By the time he went into the final room which he put on a cap and gown I was gone into my own little space of thinking of my mom, thinking of my memories and thinking of him as a little boy. I was very discreet and he was none the wiser but as he put on his cap and gown I just bawled. No one saw and I was very careful not to embarrass him (although I may have because I snapped a few of my own pictures) but I'm so not ready for my babies to grow up.
That being said, I am very proud of them. I am very proud of BJ. He is his own man. He sometimes is difficult because he knows what he wants and doesn't succumb to pressure, but in some ways that is a good thing. He has really matured and is very good with little kids. He knows what he wants out of life (which I am sure will change and mature).
Now if I could just get him to work on his hand-writing, not being the biggest procrastinator and clean his room it would be great.
GOOD LUCK ON YOUR SENIOR YEAR BJ . . . I LOVE YOU!!
The greatest thing in the world is to be a mom.
Now I need to really get busy on finishing the house and scrap-booking and not being a procrastinator myself (I wonder where he gets it from?!?!)
